ABSURDUS apoPLEXUS
The road to dystopia is paved with utopian ideologies, a bravura in
belligerence and a penchant for brandishing one's engorged primacy over others.
Apr.28, 2015
Greek Crisis: Prince of Tidings
A forlorn kingdom in turmoil; a historical land on the precipice of self-annihilation torn between the forces of good and evil; a battered realm in the midst of an epic battle raging ferociously for it's "integrity and soul". On the losing side "the forces of reason and humanism", on the ...CONTINUE READING >>
Mar.06, 2015
Benjamin Netanyahu: Waxing Poetic on Iran's Frenetics
Israel's prime minister's, Benjamin Netanyahu, words of wisdom that he shared with his audience in the US Congress seemed to have gone down pretty well, at least with the Republicans (with Obama, not so much). Truth be told, Netanyahu is an eloquent, chutzpah-full, speaker, who will go to any ...CONTINUE READING >>
Jan.19, 2015
Middle East: After the bombing comes the photobombing
If you are looking for a glamour-rich, glitter-sprinkled paradigm that encapsulates all that is endemically wrong in the Middle East (and in human nature in general), look no further than the Miss Universe pageant, where Miss Lebanon is in trouble for appearing in a selfie with Miss ...CONTINUE READING >>
Nov.24, 2014
Italian Politics: Seniors Prom
In an aging society like Italy, political parties are eager to court the elderly voters, usually with plum promises of increased pensions and reduced medical bills. So it is no wonder that in order to increase its diminished popularity, Italian media mogul-cum-politician-cum-convict Silvio ...CONTINUE READING >>
Nov.04, 2014
The EU: It Ain't Over Till the German Lady Sings
The UK has never been the staunchest or most committed EU groupie and in fact it has the knack of regularly demanding concessions and exemptions. Coupled with a Tory-helmed government, eurosceptic by nature but getting more so by the minute as way to woo voters away from the UKIP party ...CONTINUE READING >>
Nov.02, 2014
Justice in Egypt: A Race to the Conservative Bottom
Lest anybody thinks that a military-backed government is not as concerned with the nation's moral fiber as an Islamist one would be, authorities in Egypt have arrested and now sentenced eight men to three years in prison for filming a gay wedding video while cruising the Nile. ...CONTINUE READING >>
Nov 01, 2014 | PERSIAN CATNIP
Iran & Human Rights: My Prerogative
How annoying it must be to constantly have to adamantly refute accusations of repression and general disregard for human rights, as beleaguered Iran has to. On the latest occasion, Mohammad Javad Larijani, the secretary general of Iran's High Council for Human Rights (which presumably is an ...CONTINUE READIND>>
Oct.29, 2014
Elections in Bahrain: Flight of Democratic Fancy
Ladies & gentlemen, my name is Khalifa bin Salman Al Khalifa and I'm your chief election attendant. On behalf of Shaikh Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa, the King of Bahrain, and the entire ruling elite, I welcome you aboard Bahrain's quadrennial flight of democratic fancy. ...CONTINUE READING >>
Sep.04, 2014
Al-Qaeda: Coming Soon To A Hideout Near You
Recently Al-Qaeda announced through a video message the creation of a new Indian branch to "raise the flag of jihad" across South-East Asia. The announcement was followed by a press release forwarded to its members, fans and affiliates, hereby transcribed. ...CONTINUE READING >>
Aug.04, 2014
Iraqi Insurgency: Deluge & Conquer
The recent seizure of Iraq's largest hydroelectric dam by the insurgent faction ISIS (a.k.a. ISIL), fighting to establish a caliphate in Iraq & Syria, is troubling more so as it evidently also part of a nefarious dam-seizing master-plan. Back in April ISIS took over another dam, this one the ...CONTINUE READING >>
Jul 14,2014
The Pope: Sticking It To The 2%
Pope Francis is considered a "hands-on" kind of papal figure, unafraid to tackle the Catholic Church's pathogenies head on, be that financial corruption or the "gay lobby", as well as other evil menaces like the mafia, which he single-handedly and fearlessly excommunicated last ...CONTINUE READIND>>
Jul 09,2014
Australian Immigration Policy: Now Enhanced
In an euphemistically similar manner that "enhanced integration techniques" were unscrupulously tossed around by the Bush administration to sugarcoat the use of what practically amounted to torture, the Australian government is now promoting the concept "enhanced screning process ...CONTINUE READIND>>
Jun 27, 2014 | PERSIAN CATNIP
Iran: Public Celebrations Decorum
In view of the latest shenanigans of regime detractors, masquerading as football fans to spread anarchy and chaos in Iranian cities under the guise of the Word Cup hoopla, the Iranian authorities have released strict guidelines for all henceforth public celebrations. ...CONTINUE READIND>>
Jun 25, 2014
European Monarchies: The Pains of Being a Royal
It seems it is all the rage lately in the European royal circles for elder sovereigns to make way for a younger generation by abdicating their title. Both Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands and King Philippe of Belgium (or Filip, in case you think Wallonia is nothing but a ...CONTINUE READIND>>
Jun 05, 2014
Thai Coup d'état: The Unbearable Lightness Of Meaning
In an apparent effort to nip an absurd, nation-wide, semantics brouhaha in the bud, the Thai military junta (unironically named National Council for Peace and Order), has been weighing in with its own interpretation of the meaning of the three-finger salute that anti-establishment ...CONTINUE READIND>>
May 28, 2014
European Elections: Commission Européenne, Null Points
This past week, European Union citizens have been electing their representatives in the European Parliament and as expected, following the en masse voting for the Eurovision Song Contest a couple of weeks ago, turnout was low. A lot of people were perplexed as to why ...CONTINUE READIND>>
May 27, 2014
Egyptian Democracy: In Sisi We Trust
Stranded between a rock and a hard place, Egyptians have gone through three tumultuous years to end up pretty much where they started, under a tightly controlled and highly restricted regime that has as much tolerance for dissent as a vegan's appetite for steak tartare. ...CONTINUE READIND>>
May 21, 2014
UK Indepencence Party: It's Raining Men (of Conscience)
Poor Nigel Farage, UK Independence Party (UKIP) leader, being apparently threatened, booed and heckled and therefore reluctantly "forced to campaign with bodyguards", and all because of a trite misunderstanding, namely that his party is a cohort of racist lunatics. ...CONTINUE READIND>>
May 09, 2014 | CULTURAL (NO)MORES
Chinese Diplomacy: Fictional Reality
The lengths these adherents of one-party politics will go to corroborate the superiority and promote the virtues of their system of governance over alternatives is no laughing matter (or rather it is but not exclusively). In this recent case from the diplomatic milieu, ...CONTINUE READIND>>
Apr.28, 2014
The Vatican: Sainthood Inflation
The latest Vatican canonizations of no less than five new Saints (headlined by a couple of departed Popes) is just another indication of sainthood inflation that has taken the Vatican by storm. Just in the middle of the second decade of this century and already the canonizations ...CONTINUE READIND>>>
Apr.17, 2014
Al-Qaeda: How To Stop Worrying And Start Loving The Drone
The upper echelons of al-Qaeda have been in serious deliberations lately in an effort to devise a turnaround plan for their battered organization. The current decline is especially evident in terms of diminished visibility, falling popularity and lower unique visitors & page views ...CONTINUE READING >>
Apr.08, 2014
The Vatican: Euphemismus Sanctus
It is expected of religious institutions to have a knack for euphemism, and the Catholic Church is no stranger to this. In fact the Vatican is vying to be a champion in this glorious linguistic field. On the occasion of the Pope's recent decision not to shut down the Vatican bank ...CONTINUE READING >>
Apr.04, 2014
The Taliban: From IEDs to IOWs
Finally, the Taliban have come around to recognize that what makes the world go round is neither devoutness nor intimidation, but good old fashion money. They are now paying villagers to give up their voting cards. Let's collectively welcome the Taliban in the bosom of capitalism and hope that they may meet their demise not by drones, bombs or dungeons but rather by their stock options depreciating, their CDSs defaulting or straight down a hyperinflation death spiral.
Apr.04, 2014
Iceland: Once a Viking Rampager, Always a Viking Rampager
From a settlement of Viking pillagers, to a lair of profligate, rapacious bankers and ruthless whale-hunting pariahs, Iceland is not short of ambitions (albeit not the "reach for the stars" but rather the "reach for the nearer pocket" kind). So aspiring to be merciless profiteers from floods and droughts in a dystopian future is just another notch in its belt. Surely Björk can write a scathing yet lyrical tune about this.
Apr.03, 2014
The EU: The Sound of Vroom Vroom
Apparently electric cars are to be denied their soothing absence of noise in an effort to (a) not run over pedestrians texting madly on their smartphones and guide-dogless visually impaired strollers, (b) hark back to a buzzing time of street hustle and bustle, when oil was cheap and abundant and there was a magical place called "drive-in theater". ...CONTINUE READING >>
Mar.18, 2014
Annexation Trends: Linguistics
In the midst of a revival of Annexation Art (previous heyday of the ANX-ART movement was in the early 90s, see South Ossetia & Abkazia), Russia, the movement's formost practitioner, is inundated with volonteers to participate in its contemporary oeuvre. Case in point: Trans-Dniester. Moscow should comply and immediately annex this sliver of godforsaken land for humanitarian-linguistic reasons. What kind of life can one have if you are referred to as Trans-Dniestrian, Transnistrian or Transdniestrian? (Try saying any of these in sequence while crossing your eyes)
Mar.17, 2014
Annexation Trends: Secession as a Stepping Stone
Mar.13, 2014
Recruitment opportunities: Executioner
Mar.05, 2014
The Pope: The Depravity of Neighborhoods
It is a well known fact (via RT) that Saint Mark's Basilica is inspired by Russian cathedral design and that the Venetian canals are set out in tribute to the ones in St.Petersburg. Therefore President Putin salutes the Venetian people's belated attempt to extract themselves from the shackles of Rome and return to the bosom of mother Russia, via an online poll. President Putin looks forward to welcoming them along with the Scottish and Catalonians in the cosmopolitan utopia that the Russian Federation is.
Feb.26, 2014
Egypt: One Step Ahead Of You
The Sri Lankan authorities are once again looking for to fill the position of the official state executioner. In view of the difficulty of finding suitable candidates through nepotism the following recruitment ad has been published in key national & international newspapers and trade ...CONTINUE READING>>
The Pope protests that the Catholic Church is the "only institution to have been attacked" about child abuse and that statistically the majority of abuses are "carried out in family or neighborhood environments". Yes, if there is one institution more nefarious than the Catholic Church ...CONTINUE READING>>
Today's entertainment is courtesy of the Egyptian military, specifically the chief of the medical branch, who made some statements like the following: "I conquered AIDS with the blessings of my Lord, glory to him, with a rate of 100%. I take AIDS from the patient, (...) I give it to him as a kebab skewer to feed on, (...) and this is the top of scientific miracles."
Leaving aside the (oxy)moronic "scientific miracle" at hand, it is a safe bet to speculate that military regimes the world over are beating themselves up (i.e. flogging some poor underling) for not thinking this first. Maybe they should concentrate on other breakthroughs like "portable cold fusion" or an mobile app that zaps tumors via Bluetooth.
Feb.17, 2014
Switzerland has some awkward news for its neighbors
"Switzerland has refused to sign a proposed deal granting Croatians free access to the Swiss employment market. Both countries had agreed the deal last summer after Croatia joined the European Union " - BBC
The phone rings, Croatia picks up.
CROATIA: Molim.
SWITZERLAND: Hallo neighbor! This is Switzerland.
CROATIA: Halo, how are you?
SWITZERLAND: I am ok. I am just calling cause we have a teeny-tiny problem with the open-house party on Saturday.
CROATIA: Oh? I already RSVPed on FB. The kids are thrilled!
SWITZERLAND: Well, yes, about that... it's my old ones you see, Celine and Christoph. They sprung this idea on me, just yesterday mind you(!), of maybe keeping the thing family-members-only.
CROATIA: ...CONTINUE READING >>
Feb.14, 2014
FACEBOOK: Gender Selection for the Connoisseurs
The tyrannical bipolarity of gender assignation in social media has been expunged. There are now 56 additional gender options to select from in Facebook. So forget about boring MALE and overused FEMALE labels, why no try "NEUTROIS" if you dig quantum physics, "NON-BINARY" for the mathematically inclined, or the more philosophical "GENDER QUESTIONING". If you're into New Age why not try "TWO-SPIRIT" and if you're feeling cheeky there's "MTF".
Sep.11, 2013
Science: Of Finance & Primates
Jan.24, 2014
The Vatican: Always the stalwart peer-reviewer of all matters scientific
It's a known fact that human literature could very well had been written by primates (given an ample stock of keyboards and time). But now we learn that the same aplies to the world of economics, namely that people make the same basic investment decisions as monkeys and therefore Investment Banks can, for all we care, be run by monkeys from now on (though it sure feels that way anyhow). The only question now is when is the same going to be proven for political decisions.
In a shocking move that ambushed the pious who regarded the Internet as Satan's and Richard Dawkins' spawn involved in a malevolent ploy to disseminate heresy and pornography, the Pope embraced the new medium, called it a "gift from God" no less, and urged Catholics to cherish this precious heavenly endowment and defend it from the infidels that desire nothing more than to defile its saintly patronage and turn it into a cyber-Sodom and Gomorrah, inundated by evil-LOLing (black) cats, surreptitious pop-up windows (a.k.a. doors to hell) and cynical misspelled tweets.
Aug.02, 2013
Global Warming: Beach Frenzy
According to US scientists, projected global warming will bring about "a rise in assaults, rapes and murders, as well as group conflicts and war". In conjunction the rising temperatures that will impose a year-long summer, we can assume among other things beach mayhem: scores of flip-flop slapping, umbrella humping, beach-racket assaults, spear-gun harpooning, beach-cooler missiles etc (think Hunger-Games-on-the-Beach).
Jul.26, 2013
Religious Porn: Debbie does the Diocese
"The Archbishop of Canterbury admitted on Friday that the Church can invest in companies it doesn't necessarily support, including ones that make pornography." Maybe this is a brilliant plan of the Church to co-opt the porn industry to their advantage. For example all porn films would be written to include a wedding at the beginning and a child-birth at the end, girl on girl action can be attributed to satanic possessions and copulation would be filmed under very dim lighting.
Sep.07, 2012
Egyptian Renaissance: Bad Education
Egypt's Muslim Brotherhood-backed morality Renaissance have yielded indispensable seminars like “Bride and Groom Against Satan”, where women can learn to "take pleasure in being a follower and find ease in obeying a husband who loves her". Other available seminars for Egyptian women include:
>> Bridal Shower Supervision Guidelines
>> Exorcising Satan by way of Household Chores
>> Road to redemption: Patriarchy Reloaded
>> Broom vs Vacuum: Don't be fooled by Satan's minions
May.24, 2013 | PERSIAN CATNIP
Iranian Presidential Elections: Voting Made Easier
Iranian authorities, always looking for ways to lift the burdens of bureaucracy and in general make citizens' interactions with the State more convenient and user-friendly, have reduced the presidential candidates for the upcoming elections from 686 to 8 in order to spare voters from having to consider all those hundreds of names. Voters will also receive their pre-marked ballots in sealed envelopes by mail or courrier, though the administration is also thinking of mailing them directly to the election office to expedite things
Mar.11, 2012
Iraq: No Good News Goes Unpunished
Good news about Iraq: there is a youth counter-culture. Bad news: there are being stoned for it. Absurd news: the Interior Ministry statement about it, "No murder case has been recorded on so-called 'emo' grounds. All cases of murder recorded were for revenge, social and common criminal reasons". Just plain-ol' revenge and social killings? Oh that's ok then...
Mar.01, 2012
The Solar Apocalypse: Always Lool at the Bright Side
In trying times like these, it is always refreshing to learn that there is a 12% chance of a worldwide catastrophic breakdown of basic amenities during this decade, courtsey of a solar megstorm. I am happy to report that Greece is one step ahead as we have been dismanteling methodically those very basic amenitied for years now, so on the off chance of a universal meltdown we wont even bat an eyelid, it will be business as usual. Dont you feel better already?