ABSURDUS apoPLEXUS
The road to dystopia is paved with utopian ideologies, a bravura in
belligerence and a penchant for brandishing one's engorged primacy over others.
THE ÜBER-SUPREMIUM LEADERS CLUB Member: Bashar al-Assad
Apr 01, 2015
Assad: Up, Close & Oh So Impersonal
In an interview with Charlie Rose for CBS's 60 Minutes, Syrian president Bashar al-Assad had much to say about the ongoing civil war in his country. No stranger to high profile interviews, he spoke about his noble intentions, the inexhaustible support he receives from the Syrian people and his ...CONTINUE READING >>
Dec 22, 2014
Assad the Builder: Ready, Steady, Bomb!
The Syrian Prime Minister, visiting Iran amidst his country's ongoing civil war, talked about the Syrian government's imminent "big victory" and its plans for commencing the reconstruction process. Presumably, that process involves demolishing a dozen or so cities, leveling the field so to ...CONTINUE READING >>
Jun 18, 2014
Syria: Bleach-Blitz Bonanza
Triumphantly re-elected Syrian president, Bashar al-Assad, is often the target of malicious foreign propaganda, aiming to tarnish his stellar image as a patriotic leader of his nation, a prudent political tactician and a human being in general. The latest of these unfair attacks ...CONTINUE READING >>
Jun 03, 2014
Syria: Democracy In The Time Of Mortar Shelling
He promised to do so and he has indeed done so. Presidential elections are under way today under the auspices of Assad's regime in the mortar-blitzed country of the Levant, renown for its deconstructivism-inspired urban planning. Lest the skeptics among you infer that ...CONTINUE READING >>
Apr.30, 2014
Syrian Democracy: Election Blitz
Democracy is widely acclaimed as the optimum system of governance, a way of life in a manner of speaking, and as such it is essential that it is constantly nurtured, emboldened and advocated for, not only during periods of smooth national sailing, but even when facing the most...CONTINUE READING >>
Apr.08, 2014
Assad: At the Top of His (Board) Game
What with the space program coming along and elections planned for the near future, Assad believes this year is as good a time to end his unanimously successful program of a custom-version of the famous board game Risk. The unanimously acclaimed game, initiated nationally ...CONTINUE READING >>
Mar.18, 2014
Assad: Pulling the World's Collective Leg
Times and times again savvy Assad has demonstrated his ingenuity in slapstick humor and/or political farce and yet each time he seems to push himself to an even higher (or lower pending on one's perspective) level of artistry. Case in point: The new Syrian Space Agency announcement. At some point it looked that Kim Jong-un was gaining on him for the title of Master Uber-Supremium Sovereign (MUSS), what with his new ski-resort where no citizen can afford the half-day ski pass and his penchant for executing close relatives, but Assad is way in the lead with this one.
Jun.03, 2013
Assad: Who Said he didn't have a Sense of Humor?
In a valiant effort to protect his bombed-out citizens that are trying to plan their next holiday destination, and under the influence of a uncanny campaign of the Greek Tourism Ministry, Assad is poopooing Turkey as unsafe. Specifically he has drawn attention to the mediocre quality of the refreshments, the inferior taste of baklava and the unreliable 4G mobile network.
Nov.09, 2012
Assad: "And I Am Telling You"
In a statement that can onky be interpreted as a serious case of cognitive bias or a long-running prank, Assad declares Syria "the last stronghold of secularism and stability in the region and coexistence". Which is like saying that Iran is the land of the Disco Queens, Saudi Arabia famous for its beer & pork-chop festival and North Korea is the land of the Unicorns. Oh wait, North Korea IS the land of the Unicorns...
Oct.24, 2012
Assad The Benevolent
In the spirit of "social tolerance, national unity and the requirements of co-existence" Syrian death-row inmates are getting a sweet amnesty deal of life in hard-labor camps where they will get to exercise (while repenting) on a daily basis and be privileged to contribute (selflessly) towards their country's GDP. The deal applies only to murderers (mass, serial or other), rapists and traitors.
Apr.19, 2012 | KIM JONG-UN
Kim & Bashir: A Match Made in Comics Heaven
In a comicbook world of mega-villains, the moon-faced, block-of-cheese lookalike supreme leader of the evil emprire X would extend his support for the autistic-weasel-looking supreme leader of evil empire Y currently practising his multitasking skills by bludgeoning his people while doing online shopping. Oh, wait, this actually happened...