ABSURDUS apoPLEXUS

In an aging society like Italy, political parties are eager to court the elderly voters, usually with plum promises of increased pensions and reduced medical bills. So it is no wonder that  in order to increase its diminished popularity, Italian media mogul-cum-politician-cum-convict Silvio Berlusconi's party (Forza Italia) would go the extra populist mile and make some out-of-the-box pledges.

 

So along with the predictable commitments about boosting the minimum pension, expanding tax breaks and free cataract operations & dental implants, Silvio is also promising seniors some more fancy treats. We have free train rides during weekday afternoons (plus complimentary trainspoting during weekends from the comfort of their home via web streaming), free cinema tickets (strictly non R-rated movies, no need for unnecessary health risks) and once a month a free vet's appointment for their pets (presumably this is where the free cataract surgeries and/or the dental implants procedures will take place).

 

Sources close to Forza Italia's programmatic committee have leaked information about an even more unorthodox, hush-hush initiative that is being concoted in absolute secrecy at the party headquarters to boost the party's popularity with the male senior citizens in paticular. The prosopal is based on a refashioned version of Silvio's famous "bunga-bunga" parties. The proposed event, to be held once a month in major regional centers, will feature mildly erotic entertainment, sumptuous  low-cholesterol/low-sodium party snacks, woodworking activities and a Medicate-All-You-Can pharmaceutical buffet. Hosting the event will be skimpy-clad, sexy nurses (some of which are going to be actual nurses in case of emergencies), performing sexy medical demonstrations and giving patrons sexy check-ups (could be real ones, not decided yet). There has also been discussions about handing out gift-bags containing perks like discount coupons for dentures or hearing aids, a bath safety seat, a big button phone dialer, some Viagra or Cialis pills (depends on the sponsor), Julio Iglesia's best-of CDs and a pre-marked ballot for the next election.

 

For the ladies of a certain age there's a debate between the more liberal faction of the party, proposing staging similar glamorous soirees with sexy, ripped-bodied doctors, and conservative members advocating knitting-cum-bingo nights or free candle-making workshops.