ABSURDUS apoPLEXUS

Apparently electric cars are to be denied their soothing absence of noise in an effort to (a) not run over pedestrians texting madly on their smartphones and guide-dogless visually impaired strollers, (b) hark back to a buzzing time of street hustle and bustle, when oil was cheap and abundant and there was a magical place called "drive-in theater".

 

But why settle for recreating the metropolitan cacophony of the gas-guzzling golden age? Surely the EU, in all its innovation savvy, can draft a similar law alluding to a somewhat loftier stretch of yonder past, where carriages filled the streets and gentlemen tipped their hats when greeting a lady . Why not make the electric cars sound like horses? "Galloping on cobblestones" as they speed through the city, "neighing" while the driver hits the breaks and "snorting" while in idle.

 

And of course, in the spirit of consumer choice, drivers should be given the opportunity to download if they choose alternative sound templates like mules, oxes, reindeers, elephants, etc (though special care is to be given to avoid simulating a stampede).

 

Electric cars must make noise under new EU rules