ABSURDUS apoPLEXUS
The road to dystopia is paved with utopian ideologies, a bravura in
belligerence and a penchant for brandishing one's engorged primacy over others.
THE ÜBER-SUPREMIUM LEADERS CLUB Members: Kim & Kim
Apr 17, 2015
Kim Jong-un: Toast of the Town
North Korean third-generation dear-leader Kim Jong-un seems to be the popular kid on the block, albeit the gang-ruled, on-the-wrong-side-of-town kind of block. After the much publicized invitation by Russian president and tsar-aspiring Vladimir Putin to attend the World War II ...CONTINUE READING>>
Feb 11, 2015
North Korea: All Unicorns are Gray in the Dark
Apparently the reason North Korea looks suspiciously dark from the above in the nighttime (compared to all its neighbors) is its abhorrence of "flashy", show-off-y lights. You know, the ones that blaze self-indulgently, screaming to the satellites above "Look at me! Look at me!". ...CONTINUE READING>>
Jan 12, 2015
North Korea: Big Shrooms Means Big Bucks
Aside from orphanages, North Korean unintentionally whimsical leader Kim Jong-un, also has a knack for visiting booming state-of-the-art facilities like the spanking new Pyongyang City Mushroom Farm he dropped by a couple of days ago. Mushrooms are his second best pizza topping after ...CONTINUE READING>>
Dec 08, 2014
North Korea: Tomorrow is Only a Cyber-Attack Away
Allegedly, North Korea hacked into Sony Pictures servers to retaliate for its upcoming film release depicting the assassination attempt of its youthfully plumb & charismatically nonchalant nuclear leader, Kim III.
Nov 29, 2014
North Korea: Anti-Americanism─An Education
North Korean rotund dear-leader had some strong words to say about the US during a state visit to a museum for an alleged massacre by US forces during the Korean War. He called Americans cannibals and stressed the need for additional anti-American education in schools. ...CONTINUE READING>>
Nov 13, 2014
Kim: It's A Hard Knock Life (For them)
Who said Kim Jong Un, N.Korea's cheese-loving & looking leader, is not a compassionate man? Kim has just inaugurated a brand new, state of the art orphanage ("state of the art" in N.Korea means having walls on at least three sides and a water-proof roof) to house the newly orphaned ...CONTINUE READING>>
Sep 21, 2014
The Unbearable Lightness of Nibbling Emmental Holes
Every great leader knows that slander and defamation by enemy sources goes with the territory, even more so when one is part of a ruling lineage that encompasses heralded births involving weather & astral phenomena, migratory birds and seasons. Still, there's so much thick skin one can ...CONTINUE READING>>
May 06, 2014
North Korea: Prosperity is in the Eye of the Propagandist
On the heels of a not that flattering (namely, downright vilifying) UN report on N. Korea and in a textbook case of international counter-criticism (the Authoritarian Edition), the unicorn-frequented specimen-country lashed out against their archenemy; the "Tundra of a human being's rights to ...CONTINUE READING >>
Apr.23, 2014
Kim: Big Cheese of Pyongyang
Amidst the furor and urgency of day-to-day governance, executive decisions and momentous judgments, world leaders, like modern Atlases carrying their dominions on their shoulders, have the need, nay urgency, to occasionally unwind through some favored, idiosyncratic pastime ...CONTINUE READING >>
Apr.16, 2014
Unicorn-Drawn Chariots of Fire
North Koreans are no strangers to athletic activities. On the contrary they are quite adept in both spirit and praxis. The national love of athletics is distilled at an early age when toddlers in state nursery schools are encouraged to compete in crawling races; the winning child get the one portion of ...CONTINUE READING >>
Apr.07, 2014
Kim: One Execution Ahead of the Curve
Mar.06, 2014
North Korea: The Artistry of Elections
In a bid to catch up with fellow Club Member Assad's enemies-of-the-state score list, North Korea's cheeky leader Kim junior ("Dearest Leader" to his next-of-kin, "Oh Dearest Forever & Ever Leader" to the rest), has come up with a speedy round of executions for some members of his extended family ...CONTINUE READING>>
And here I was, thinking that national elections in war-torn Syria (by popular demend no less) was the apogee of shameless subversion of the democratic concept, when N.Korea comes along to set the bar even higher. It is a very competitive field after all, (I am sure Putin is already preparing to upping the ante). Now, there is a small semantic caveat to the upcoming elections in the birthplace of unicorns, namely that "election" in N.Korean-speak is something equivalent to colonoscopy.
Mar.06, 2014
North Korea: Being Despicable Is Not Recommended
The glorious announcement of the execution of Jang Song Thaek if anything else was fully justified as the culprit's crimes/sins run deep. In no particular order of significance:
>> A despicable political careerier & trickster ...CONTINUE READING >>
Dec.20, 2013
North Korea: Retro-grade Posturing
After ominous demonstrations of nuclear tests, missile launches and torpido attacks, comes the ultimate manifestation of North Korea's devastating technological arsenal: the fax-machine. It's now using a fax machine to threaten a major attack "Without Notice"
Aug.06, 2013
North Korean Children: Not Ducks, More Like Griffins
We all know that the Chinese have climbed to the top of the Most-Obnoxious-Tourists List, but they have now crossed the line by offending the friendliest, most welcoming & exotic (see unicorns) touristic haven/heaven country galaxy-wise ...CONTINUE READIND>>
Oct.08, 2013
Kim: "Skiing is a Human Right, Damn it!"
Let's take a moment to analyse North Korea's latest diplomatic spat:
>> N.Korea's "top national priority" is building a ski resort (Let them eat Germknödel Kim says) ...CONTINUE READING >>
Feb.19, 2013 | HANDBOOK OF INTL.DIPLOMACY | KIM (SQUARED)
Handbook of International Diplomacy―The Authoritarian Edition: THREATS 101
When issuing international threats forthrightness & scope of vision is essential to establish your credbility to your oppenent nations or entities. Lukewarm and insipid intimidations are interpreted as telltale signs of indecison, internal disagreement and, crucially, weakness. ...CONTINUE READING>>
Jan.07, 2013
Kim: Birthdady Largesse
In the borderline-virtual country of N.Korea the saucepan-faced great leader's birthday is another occasion for government largesse, handing out kilos of sweets to each and every kid below factory-working age (10), delivered by flying unicorns (indigenous to the republic). Only problem being that due to the childrens' rice-only-diet-induced sugar intolerance, most of them are now hanging out with Kim Jong-Il and dining on unicorns-chops.
Dec.14, 2012
Kim: An Intimate Moment
Sep.04, 2012
Half-Brotherly Love
North Korea and Iran Are Teaming Up. The meeting agenda includes the following proposals for joint projects:
>> Development of chain of entertainment parks where visitors exerience the joy of ploughing the land and the Mistique of Mining.
>> Research into self-combusting american flag material toreduce accidents of flag-burning patriots.
>> Joint effort to restrain the contraband trade of men's jewellery and hair accessories.
>> Collaboration on propaganda techniques for targeting toddlers (ages 1 - 3 years)
A fag and a rocket-launch, it is the simple things that a supreme leader looks forward to at the end of the day.
Aug.09, 2012 | HANDBOOK OF INTL.DIPLOMACY
Handbook of International Diplomacy―The Authoritarian Edition: INSULTS 101
When considering how to respond to grave insults do not choose the conventional way of refuting them but instead use reverse psychology and embrace them. Simultaneously, in order to exact your revenge kick a fuss over something completely innocuous thereby projecting resolve and ...CONTINUE READING>>
Dec.03, 2012
North Korea: Mythical land, literaly
A land of exclusive theme-parks (so exclusive no actual NK citizen is allowed in), spontaneous emotional street choreographies and moon-faced leaders of heavenly descent, now also a land of Unicorns. In a word, heaven. (Which, considering that citizens there are as good as dead to the rest of the world and to the Dear Uber-Supremium Leader himself, is quite accurate after all in a roundabout way).
Jul.20, 2012
North Korea: National Choreography
In the almost-fictional country of North Korea, the self-promotion of the saucepan-faced dear-leader is cause for a completely spontaneous dance routine by the armed forces, with choreography eerily reminiscent of the communist anthem “Il balo del qua qua” by propagandist songstress Romina Power.
Apr.19, 2012 | ASSAD
Kim & Bashir: A Match Made in Comic Heaven
In a comicbook world of mega-villains, the moon-faced, block-of-cheese lookalike supreme leader of the evil emprire X would extend his support for the autistic-weasel-looking supreme leader of evil empire Y currently practising his multitasking skills by bludgeoning his people while doing online shopping.Oh, wait, this actually happened...
Apr.12, 2012
North Korea: How To Learn To Love the Bomb
The ultra-fictitious solipsistic regime of North Korea has always been somewhat unsympathetic towards trivial issues, such as the mortality of its own saddled-with citizenry, that pale in significance to the perpetuation of its fabled ideology, and these latest costly shenanigans only makes this point clearer; it is a well known fact after all that humans are transient in nature, but the bomb, "the bomb is forever!"