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Amidst the furor and urgency of day-to-day governance, executive decisions and momentous judgments, world leaders, like modern Atlases carrying their dominions on their shoulders, have the need, nay urgency, to occasionally unwind through some favored, idiosyncratic pastime through which they momentarily lay down the hegemonic responsibilities bearing down upon them oh so heavily.


Some find reprieve in the soothing polyphony of Bach’s preludes or the rich harmonies of Wagner, others lose themselves in creative diversions of self-expression like finger-painting or embroidery, and there are those that prefer more humble forms of leisure like a warm bubble-bath while shopping on QVC.


Heavenly-bound North Korean Dear Leader III, Kim Jong-Un, acclaimed for among other numerous virtues & talents his exquisite palate, has of late found comfort during hectic days of planning nuclear tests, family executions and elaborate parades, in cheese-nibbling. These short breaks, disconnected from the hustle and bustle of ruling an almost industrialized nation of subsisting farming, all alone with a cheese platter of assorted delicacies, are very precious to Kim. It is considered great faux-pas to under any circumstances intrude or disrupt these condensed moments of transcendental bliss. It is rumored that during these intervals he is in spiritual communication with both preceding Kims, Dear Leaders par excellence for all eternity, discussing milk protein coagulation. Contrary to the official statements, this is the reason behind the execution of Kim's uncle Jang Song-taek, his blatant disregard for the sanctity of cheese-time one late afternoon in the winter of 2013.


Kim's innate drive for constant advancement has led him to pronounce for each month a different kind of cheese, whereby during this month the officially designated State Cheese Artisans attempt to produce the finest possible varieties of the assigned cheese type for Kim to sample on his time-outs. The team has in its disposal a state-of-the-art cheese-making facility, courtesy of the Space Program Department, and is frequently allowed to attend specialized seminars & workshops abroad (their families held in captivity for collateral in case of defection). As a leading connoisseur of all things gastronomical, the Dearest Leader is tough but fair in his judgments of cheese quality and tastefulness; failure to achieve minimum standards of savouriness, hole diameter (if applicable) and texture, may results in labor-camp enrollment for those responsible. At the same time, and in order to share with his people his appreciation of all things cheese related, every citizen is ordered to memorize the Wikipedia entry of the monthly pick and be able to recite it on command. Furthermore, every month, a lucky North Korean lactose-tolerant resident is chosen randomly to be awarded magnanimously a dice-size piece of cheese to be savored by all his extended family.



North Korea: Pyongyang experts study French cheese-making

Apr.23, 2014 | KIM (SQUARED)

Kim: Big Cheese of Pyongyang

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