Feb 11, 2015 | KIM (SQUARED)

North Korea: All Unicorns are Gray in the Dark

Apparently the reason North Korea looks suspiciously dark from the above in the nighttime (compared to all its neighbors) is its abhorrence of "flashy", show-offy lights. You know, the ones that blaze self-indulgently all night long, screaming to the satellites above "Look at me! Look at me!".

 

Under a pretext of supposedly illuminating a street here or a highway there, those ubiquitous urban lights in those spoiled lands beyond North Korea are in fact turning the spotlight to themselves, quite literally in this case, in an egregious act of narcissism. These are the same electric lights which cruelly and self-centeredly deprive the wonder of starlight from ordinary people thereby annihilating romanticism and crushing man's soul. The which transform night into day thereby spoiling the diurnal balance of human life as well as wreaking havoc to local wildlife. Yes, those energy consuming vanity lights shining deceptively bright are the symbolic means by which capitalism stupefies the proletariat. And North Korea will have none of them.

 

Furthermore, North Korea is a self-proclaimed environmental pioneer in combating climate change. The policy of no artificial lighting at night is but one of many initiatives that the regime has implemented to reduce the country's carbon footprint and conserve energy. Other widely applied measures are the banning of elevators and escalators (which has an additional advantage of inducing physical exercise), the minimal number of cars permitted on the streets, the scarcity of buses and trains (again, citizens walking to their destination provides an ideal opportunity to flex those leg muscles) and the rationing of electricity.

 

In a serendipitous byproduct of the no-night-lights strategy, the North Korean Ministry of Health has recently revealed that al lot of citizens have developed natural night vision. Tests are being conducted to determine if this is a physiological, psychological or psychosomatic response. The government, in the spirit of equanimity, is planning to provide to all those whose vision has not been spontaneously enhanced with night vision equipment.