ABSURDUS apoPLEXUS

The Sri Lankan authorities are once again looking for to fill the position of the official state executioner.  In view of the difficulty of finding suitable candidates through nepotism the following recruitment ad has been published in key national & international newspapers and trade publications:

 

Prestigious National Department of Corrections and Terminations is seeking dexterous individual with at least 5 years experience in lawful & tactful executions. You will have demonstrated superior knowledge in the latest guillotine technologies, the use of synthetic fibers in hanging ropes, and the electrical conductivity of the human body. You will have an ability to improvise in challenging situations, esp. when subject's body refuses to perish. You will inspire a “can do” culture of performance and possess the necessary communications skills to manage both employees and mourners. Membership in accredited Death Squads is desirable but not essential. Dental coverage included.