Turkey's government, scourge of social media yet vanguard of social progressiveness, has announced a policy of prison segregation for humanitarian purposes, starting with mainstream-sexuality-challenged incarcerated individuals. In a valiant effort to protect and spare these misunderstood prisoners from the heterosexual junta of prison mores, the government is proposing moving them in new, state-of-the-art, boutique facilities.

 

There, the "divergently sexually-orientated" inmates will enjoy a divergent & normative-free environment where TV viewing does not include football, boxing or serious news, weight-lifting is only for body-sculpting purposes (not for devising contraptions to bludgeon fellow inmates) and fist-fighting is not gambled on by prison-guards. The purpose built facilities will be equipped with non-judgmental features such as: politically correct & gender-free signage, hypoallergenic bed mattresses, cable TV with selected HBO & Showtime content (censored & translated in Turkish) and soothing pastel wall colors in solitary confinement cells. The prison recreation programs will also include more creative pastimes like origami classes, crochet clubs and potpourri workshops. Furthermore, the techniques of enhanced interrogation will be adjusted to take into account the peculiarities of the divergent nature of the interrogees. In water boarding for example, mineral spring water will be used with an option of still or sparkling, and in the practice of high-volume music-blasting, the heavy metal genre will be replaced by high-pitched divas of indeterminate age.

 

Finally, in order to provide "unorthodoxly sex-practicing" convicts with some detachment from the norms & expectations of mainstream society and give them some breathing space to flourish, the new prison premises will be located on an artificial island in the middle of the Black Sea.

 

Homosexual prisoners in Turkey segregated for 'protection': minister

Apr.16, 2014 | ERDOĞAN

Turkey: Segregation Pride