ABSURDUS apoPLEXUS

Yes, we live in a culture of enhanced virtual living. One may disapprove or (try to) abstain but the reality/realties is/are such and it is certainly no surprise that a new crop of technology has risen to cater for the demands of this new order.

 

Case in point the visual-enhancement apps marketed for the vain, the attractively challenged and the aesthetes, (a warning for the BDD & eating-disorder afflicted will probably fall on deaf ears). Let's say you think your head looks fat or wide, bloated, shaped like a block of cheese or the rear end of your mother-in-law; fret not! You can now instantly shave off up to 6kg (15 pounds) for your next selfie at the super market cookies & sweets aisle! Now, you are probably thinking 6kg is what your whole head is weighting and therefore you'll probably look like the Headless Horseman if you take so much off (which is excellent for Halloween selfies but slightly creepy on other social media occasions), but have you ever played bowling with a human head? Well the app coders have (virtually) so they know better. Reversely, if your perception of your head is of stick, a dry raisin or Giacometti figurine, the app world has your back: you can now add as much head-weight as you want (it is advised not to exceed one's body-weight, as it won't fit on average cell-phone screens), puff up a cheek-bone or two, plump up your lips (very effective in 3D selfies - coming soon), hell, you can even grow a second head (think of the intellectual prowess you'll projecting with double the brain matter) or get that aquiline nose your plastic surgeon failed, again, to make yours like. Don't get me started on the rest of the body (Latissimus Dorsi anyone?).

 

The wider the adoption of such tools, the wider the gap between the physical and virtual realities and the greater the pressure on those reluctant or unwilling to participate in personal virtual improvement (PVI) as they are slowly marginalized as crude, unwrought and stingy (it only costs $1.99 for Pete's sake!). It won't be long before we have all grown into our swan-selves in our virtual dimensions, view our flesh personas with disdain as too primitive & grotesque and therefore never step out of the house again.

 

New app sheds virtual weight so faces look slimmer on 'selfies'