Russia: Despots of the world unite!

On the occasion of Russia's rapprochement with the military junta ruling Thailand, an announcement from President Vladimir Putin.

Are you a brutish dictatorship? A draconian autocracy perhaps? Are you shunned by western governments for lacking democratic credentials? Criticized by the UN for your lackluster human rights record? Have your erstwhile allies recently distanced themselves from you? Are you struggling to find new ones? Have you alienated international tourists and scared off foreign investment? Fear not! In mother Russia you will find a friendly embrace, ample peer-to-peer camaraderie, a diplomatic partner who really gets you. A like-minded ally who will never judge you and who will even give you tips on government issues like effective propaganda, stifling of dissent, and institutionalizing oppression. All we ask for is a boost to our diplomatic standing and the exploitation of your raw materials. For more information call the Kremlin. First five countries to apply get one all-expenses-paid state visit to Moscow.