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Apr.11, 2014 | RUSSIAN GLAS•NOT

Putin: Your Bestest Penpal 4Ever

A dedicated and prolific pen-pal to this mates in the West, Vladimir Putin never ceases to impress his addressees with his affectionate and cordial tone, his sincere interest in their affairs and his dedication on their common interests. Even when he broaches his fair grievances or their problematic pet peeves (e.g. of never writing back), he is always non-judgmental and empathetic.


In his letter to America in The New York Times last September, he was meticulous in stressing his outmost respect for her and his sadness for not writing to each other more often. He truthfully acknowledged that their relationship had its ups and downs, but whose hasn't? Reminisced on the good old days, like when they ganged up on the Nazi bullies, ("Oh what fun that was!") and the more somber times they were on no-speaking terms ("Oh how that hurt... my diary only knows"). As a true friend he also felt his duty to gently cautioned her about her ignorance of world affairs ("which is only out of your innocent disposition") and her slightly bloated idea of herself. Of course she is pretty and smart ("Don't take me wrong!") but that is no reason for moving into an ivory tower ("I haven't!"), other boys & girls are as notably worthy too. "Let's all join hands and rejoice to the heavens for our equal standing!".


His latest later to the EU, is also a valiant effort to amiably alert his dear friend of her thoughtlessness and strengthen their lately fraying friendship. There is a little courteous scolding from his part ("Honesty is the cornerstone of our friendship") for her mistreatment of their mutual Ukrainian acquaintance. Here is a troubled child, fragile and lost, of limited economic means, who Putin has been supporting like it was his own flesh and blood ("if it turns out to be true, I am claiming custody"). And where was the EU all this time, he asks in all sincere consternation? She claims great affinity to the child but in fact she has been ("I dare to say in the best of faiths") taking advantage of it. Digging holes in his back-yard, using his bike, making it buy her girl-scout cookies by the truckload. Putin himself is more than happy to assist the Ukrainian child so as to have a hot meal for dinner but not to finance an addiction of girl-scout cookies. Yes, his help is genuine and unconditional but the child, ("Obviously going through some kind of early adolescence"), is lately acting unruly, rudely and ungratefully. How can she, the EU, expect him to turn the other cheek when she has been so detached and apathetic, letting him carry all the burden? Surely she recognizes the concessions, sacrifices and contributions he has made, There is therefore an urgent need for her to take an active and material role in his upbringing and maybe consider some compensation for his generous ("yet unsung") donations. Of course, this advice is all "in the purest of intentions, written by the most heartfelt appreciation of our relationship, with the sincerest of hopes of jointly resolving this pending issue cooperatively".


Putin's letter to European leaders on Ukraine's gas debt

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