ABSURDUS apoPLEXUS

Sarah Palin is not one to shy away from expressing her views no matter how unsubstantiated or half-baked they are. So it’s no surprise that she has finally weighed in on the GOP presidential primaries to endorse none other than Donald Trump.

 

It was a tough choice for Sarah since populist buffoons go by the dozen in this primary. Attractively braindead and irresistibly populist as most of them are, they each has some aspect that Sarah was not 100% comfortable with. Take Ben Carson for example. Ben shares Sarah’s respect for ignorance, her penchant for self-aggrandizement and a devout belief in Our Lord the Savior. Still, he was passed over as his neurosurgery background made her queasy. Also, he’s black. Ted Cruz certainly looked like a perfect match for Sarah as they have much in common, namely extreme conservative values and a rural accent, but alas he went to Harvard (Sarah doesn't believe in formal education). As far as the rest of the bunch is concerned, they all had major flaws, Chris Christie is from New Jersey, Marco Rubio looks foreign and Carly Fiorina doesn't hunt. Jeb Bush was also a no-no from the start due to his soft-spokenness which practically makes him a socialist.

 

Where Donald is concerned, at first glance it seems those two are starkly different personas and that he was chosen by elimination: Sarah grew up in a middle-class household in provincial Alaska, whereas Donald is a Manhattanite thoroughbred raised in riches. Yet looking deeper, it turns out they have much more in common than expected. They are both known for their disdain for facts and figures, their penchant for nonsensical speechifying and their reality-TV stardom. They are both FOX News and SNL darlings. They are also ideologically very close, they both would love to ban all America-haters from entering the country (Muslims, Mexicans, Canadians, Madonna, etc).

 

Moreover they are both into beauty pageants, Donald of course owns the Miss Universe contest whereas Sarah, believe it or not, was crowned Miss Wasilla in 1984. Sadly she failed to win the Miss Alaska title, her talent playing flute was apparently lacking, but her stint in the pageant left a mark; it’s evident every time a journalist poses a question, she still responds like a 17-year-old beauty pageant contestant. So all in all, it’s a pretty good match and it will theoretically boost Donald’s poll ratings with women, whom he has alienated by offending them every chance he gets, the tea party crowd, who are suspicious of his foreign wife and his taste for hair products.