Geostrategic calculations and historical grievances my ass... At last it now becomes evident why Russia took the trouble, risking world-wide outcry and derision, to annex a bankrupt, barren-soil godforsaken peninsula: To get its hands on Ukraine's omnipotent, hell-raising "Killer Dolphin Army".

 

Apparently their own top-secret sea-creature combat-program has stalled recently. Reliable sources have reported that the sea lions are often cranky & uncooperative and have on numerous occasions chewed their armament to pieces.  The new squadron's acquisition will therefore elevate the Russians back to the apex of military might. A special military committee of top-notch Russian scientists has already been working on fixing the only minor glitch of dolphins' marine-combat supremacy, their knack for insubordination whenever a chance of copulation arises.

 

Russia Stole Ukraine's Killer Dolphin Army

Mar.27, 2014 | LA CRÈME DE LA CRIMÉE 

Crimea Annexation: The Crux of the Matter Revealed